Christmas.....

My thoughts on Christmas.....

The past 4 years have been really hard...the holidays are the hardest...


I have no desire to celebrate Christmas.  To some of you, you may find this hard to believe.  I used to be in a festive mood starting in November!  I loved putting up Christmas decorations, bringing some cheer into the holidays!  I loved baking treats and then taking them to all of our friends!  Showing my kids the true meaning of Christmas, by serving other!  Some that did not have what we had...some that may have had some sadness in their lives.  Even though I did this through out the year it seemed to be magical during the Christmas season!


But then it seemed that I was being given my own test and set of trials.  My mother was diagnosed with cancer and a few short months later passed away, just days before Thanksgiving.  She was my cohort in Christmas shopping and baking...even though we were separated by miles we were on the phone multiple times a day with each other.  She would tell me what she was getting everyone.  She would tell me how all the grandchildren were doing.  She would be inspired by my sewing and then start sewing for everyone there in Kansas!  Loosing here some how turned my feelings of Christmas that year numb.  I did not want to do Christmas but went through the motions of it anyways.  I realized that but could not seem to pull myself out of this state.

The other part to my Christmas blues was my marriage had failed...I seperated from my husband and remained separated from 2012 until this October when our divorce was finalized.  I have lived with my Uncle Mike for these years.  And truth be told living with the Grinch of Christmas makes me not even want to talk about Christmas.  I feel as though I have to hide my feelings, because anytime I bring up Christmas or any of the Holidays it seems to be critiqued by him or criticized.  Things like cant you serve all year round why do you have to just do nice things at Christmas time.  Of course even if I said something like I want to serve or I do all year round it does not matter.  My heart is yearning to feel that magic Christmas spirit again but I just can't with Mr. Grinch...  I go out shopping for my kids and feel like I cant get them anything but when Mr. Grinch goes out to get things for his kids and grandkids I'm suppose to be support it and be happy for him.

To me Christmas is not about the presents or the material things in this life.  Christmas is about Christ!  Christmas is about reflections of Christs life and how he served and taught and ministered to all people on this earth!  Christmas is about family and being together forever with the ones you love!  If there are people out there HATE the holidays then they need to look within their own hearts and pray for a mighty change of heart!   Christmas time can be stressful to some but if we keep in our hearts why it is celebrated then we become closer to Christ and our love for others swells and grows deeper just as Christ loves us!  As we reflect on this Christmas season let us remember that Christ is our Savior, he who is mighty to save, he who is the author of happiness, let us look to him as we celebrate!  Let us be like the Wise Men this year and give presents unto the Savior instead of receiving then!