Sharing time was amazing!

As I had been thinking all week of what to teach these precious sons and daughters of God. I could not for the life of me feel good about any of the ideas that I had.  I thought of playing a game or doing and activity...but I could not wrap my mind around any of those ideas for 100% certainty.  As I pondered and prayed throughout the day I felt a reassuring feeling of peace that I would I know what it was that these children would need to be taught.  My patience was being tested and tried as it was Saturday night 11pm and still not a thing planned.  I tried going to sleep but to no avail, I could not get it off my mind.  I looked at the sharing time theme for the month ..."Following the Teachings of Jesus Christ  Strengthens my Family." I decided to look up online and see if there were any other ideas that I could find.  And decided to talk about what things can strengthen our families.  In big block letters on the chalk board was written "Strengthens".  I asked each child what they did in their family to help make their family stronger.  (A side note...our primary is at times very very rambunctious) But this lesson today had everyone listening and paying attention.  Both Junior and Senior primaries. After going around the room to all the kids and filling in our Strengthens word on the board we talked about a few specific ways that we can help to strengthen our families.  I told the kids some scriptures stories, and the kids were so engrossed in them and I could see in their eyes and feel in my heart that each one of these children were feeling the spirit.  God was baring witness to each of them that through prayer and scripture study and repentance and forgiveness that we can build each other up and help each member of our family to be stronger!  I then challenged each of the kids to go home and find ways that they can strengthen their families!  I sent them home with a paper that had in block letters"Following the teachings of Jesus Christ Strengthens my family", for them to write in each block what they did with their families to strengthen their families. Many of the kids asked if they could bring it back next week to share with everyone what they had done to help strengthen their families!

Who would have thought that being in primary would be such a spiritual high?!  I love love each of these little children, and I have a deep sense of responsibility for each of them!

Teaching Sharing time today!

Living the Teaching of Jesus Christ Strengthens my Family.  I love the gospel of Jesus Christ!  What can we do as we live the teachings of Jesus Christ to strengthen our families.  A few of the things we do in home are Reading the Scriptures!  Jesus asked us to search the Scriptures for in them we will find him.  We also teach our children to pray.  Just as Daniel prayed to be saved from the lions den we too can pray for help and strength to overcome our trials that we are faced with.  We also do Family Home Evening ( once a week an evening is set aside for just family time nothing else), where we teach of what Jesus taught... different principles of how righteous living!  There are many things that we can do to become closer as a family by living Jesus teachings!  What do you do in your family?

Life as a mother of a teen....

I can not believe that I have kids old enough to be 14 and 12...where did the time go?  I am however grateful to my Father in Heaven for not leaving me to walk these years alone!  It has been said that kids did not come with a book of instructions.  But I disagree....they really do, it is I that must ask for them!  And every time I ask the answers always come!  Heavenly Father knows exactly what I need and he knows exactly what each one of my children need!  I am indeed grateful for the ability I have to have direct revelation for my children!   I feel truly blessed to have a loving Heavenly Father that has not left me alone but given me a communication line through prayer to seek his will in all things!

Yep late it is!

So I used to write a lot here and express my feelings and such... I have not been very consistent because my feelings have been so raw and hard over the past few years that it is hard to do so.  I have kept a journal and write how I feel but it is just not as therapeutic  as writing to others.  I have always found writing as a therapeutic way of feeling lighter and having those burdens eased!

It is 1:40 am and I find it hard to sleep tonight!  I am feeling alone and sad for myself.  Trying to hide or mask the pain of everything.  I cleaned my pantry out and boy was it disgusting!  Thats what 6 other people in a house will do to your pantry...Well at least when I am cooking tomorrow and Thursday I will know where things are and what I have, right?!  I find myself trying to get into a project to keep my mind elsewhere.  

I decided that I would do something for me...I have always loved sewing and quilting and making my home look beautiful!  And so for the first time ever I went to the fabric store and bought material for me!!  I whipped up a table cloth 8 place mats and 8 napkins and am excited to use then for Thanksgiving!  And so for the last day and a half I sat at my sewing machine doing something for ME!  At first I felt guilty for not being with my kids but then I relaxed and realized they would just play around me and keep on going!  If they needed something they would ask!  It was nice, afternoons of just sewing!

Projects keep my mind off of being alone!  My Uncle who has been my biggest support and best friend through a lot of rough patches for me is with his family!  He has needed this time for just him!  And while I am glad he is able to get away and be with his family, it still hurts to have him gone!  This time of year especially is rough.  Being alone is one thing, being alone during the holidays is another.  I so want to jump in my van with my kids and go to Kansas to be with my brothers and sister but at last I have no money or the time to spare so here I am.  And from my Dad and his wife they are having their own quiet thanksgiving this year....cause that is what family is for right.....

The last 8 months have been so so hard on me.  With my soon to be ex finally coming down to UT after calling his Bishop and letting him know what financial problems he had gotten himself into and what his plans were.  He moved in February to Tooele about 2 miles away.   For the kids it has been good to have their dad close by in most cases.  For me it has been really hard.  And once he was down here his financial problems did not cease...just location change.  Being married still and somewhat dependent on him it has affected me too.  I finally made the decision to file for Divorce and papers were served in July or August I can't remember.  That was fun let me tell you...I was being punished for leaving and I was evil for breaking up my family.  We all have our faults and we all have things that we need to work through.  As we seek the Lords will in things we will know the way!  As I have been counseled to not listen to the words of men but instead the Lords words, I knew that what I was to do was leave and make it final.  THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DO!   Doing the right thing is not always easy and it is not alway what we think it should be.  But trusting in the Lord is what we should rely on even when it is hard and the way seems hard.  

What has been the hardest for me?  Judgement and unkindness from others.  Especially family and friends. And all the gossip that comes from it.  It often causes feelings of anger and rage in me followed by deep depression and feelings of insecurity.  This just must be my lot in life and one of my trials in this life.  But the last 8 months have been so painful for me.  Depression like I have never experienced before.  Not the best weight loss diet as I am 20 lbs lighter.... Not wanting to wake up in the morning...having no appetite or desire to cook.  And cleaning the house something that I love no longer matters to me.  No desire to exercise even when I know that it will lift my spirits.  And then to make things worse the end of July I started to battle with a nasty UTI turned Kidney infection that finialy I was able to kick mid Oct.  Surgery for carpal tunnel the end of September.   Only to be followed by whiplash from a car accident in October.  I went in to the Dr and found out that I am extremely low in vitamin D.  My levels were 13 down from 18 last year with normal range in the 40's.  3 points lower I could have had some serious things start and cause me to be hospitalized.   Life seems to just through those balls at us faster than we can catch.  

On top of all of this I just could not get my head above the water and I was emotional all the time.  Crying over everything or being angry at little things.  My poor uncle put up with it all when he was home and when he was on the road.  It was just to hard for him to be leaving and going all the time.  Well that is his job but it was so hard on me...I needed constant and I did not feel like anything was constant.  My heart was being torn in to many directions and I could not keep up with where it needed to be.  

And so that brings me to now.  I am alone feeling overwhelmed and abandoned even though that is really not the case.  My uncle loves me so much that he takes the time to call me while he is gone and talk to me.  He understands me like no one else does and I feel so blessed.  But I feel selfish because it hurts to know that he is with family when all I want is to be with my family and my own dad is having his own this year.  and I can not afford to or have the time to drive to KS.  It hurts that my Uncle who has been my only constant family for he last 3 years is gone.  I want to be selfish on the inside and keep him here.  But I can not do that because I love him so much that I want him to be with his family and see that joy that comes from being with your family!  I want that for him!  He deserves it!  Being alone can and will strengthen me and I know that one day all of this will make sense!  Until then I trust that Gods plan for me is good and that one day I will know why!  

On a brighter side..Allison was talking to my Uncle tonight and I started to cry cause I missed him and so I left so she didn't have to see me like that.  After she got off the phone she came to me and asked what was wrong and I told her that I was lonely.  She is so sweet she left me a note telling me that I was her best friend and that she loved me and would always be there for me!  I have to say I have the most tender hearted children!  They really are sweet even under all that teenage stuff they have to go through or will go through!  I love my kids so much and just want the best for each and every one of them!  

I must go to bed now as in a few short hours the sun will rise and I must be there for my kids who think that they must race the sun up!