Why have I been having so many ups and downs lately? I just want to be happy again, with a non fake smile. I feel like I am always sad. I just want to cry, but yet when someone asks how I am doing I say I am fine, because if I don't then I start crying and I can not express how I feel. I have felt like I am not a good friend and that people are annoyed with me. I don't know what I do but or what I don't do. I guess I should not let things like this bother me but I am being altra sensitive lately and I just want to crawl into a hole and hide.
On a lighter note Michael is learning to be "Gentle" to Sammie. He has not scratched and poked at her for 2 weeks now:) I wish that other people could see that. I guess it just takes time. We are all over pertective of our own kids. I would probally not let my kids play with kids that were not gentle if I knew that they were going to get hurt. Yes Michael is a little rough but he was not this way until Sammie was born.
I feel like people judge me and think that I am a bad Mom. Hey I just look at it as challenge, and with a tear in my eye that I have very rough boys that do not realize their strength yet and my job is to keep reminding them that gentle is ok.
Do you ever feel that life is never ending and that as you accomplish one trail another one is coming to get you. I know that as I read the Scriptures and Pray I am blessed with inspiration on how to deal with our trials. I am grateful for all that I know and for a loving Heavenly Father who loves me no matter what I do.
OK so I guess I am done for now and sorry if this was a sad post but we are all sad sometimes I just have been more so lately then others.
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Sally, I always thought people were judging me for Seth's actions when he was going through his problem, especially when I decided NOT to divorce him. Truth is, no one knows EVERYTHING about your family except for you, and all you can really do is reflect on the positives that come. Children (especially Outcalt children, I've learned) are going to be energetic and rambunctious. No child is born knowing how to share, be gentle, loving and kind. They learn it from their parents and the other examples around them. Don't get yourself too down. Also, perhaps this is leftover hormones from having Sammie, a little of post-partum depression?? Either way, you are doing a WONDERFUL job as a mother to six beautiful children. I wish I could be there to help you every second I could!!!! We love you so much and you're such a wonderful example to ALL of us :)
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