My life for which I am grateful for.

There are few that will ever know what I am going through right now, or how I feel.  But many are trying to help and I will be forever in there debt to them for all the time and effort that they gave given me.  I hope that they know that deppresssion is serious and it is a hard thing that I have struggled with over the past 9 months of my life.  I love my Savior and closeness I feel towards him.  There are times that I just want to lock myself in a room and disapear and then I see my wonderful children and remember that it is I that give them the memories they will take into adulthood.  I must figure things out.  I have in the past taken anti depressant meds and stopped after a while because I became suicidal.  If I am not on them for a long period of time then they are ok, so for 2 months I will take them and see how I feel.  Hoping I will improve.  I have been hurt and feel used at times and I have made someone elese I am sure feel the same way.  I feel horrible but all I can do now is go on!  So I am moving on.  This is a test to which I will master with the change in my attitude!  I will think of ways to see the things that are given to me in my life and I will smile at the blessings and smile in and through my trials and adversity!  I will not let others get me down any more for I am stronger and I have control over me and I must surrive so I choose to " lace up my shoes and get to work!"  Here I go!!