Healing in His Wings!!

You know that there has to be something wrong when for the past 5 years you have been trying to loose that baby weight and to no avail it does not come off, no matter how much you work out or watch what you eat or anything.  Then within 6 months you go from 155-160 to 130 to 135.  What in the heck.  5 years of work in 6 months....  Well I have come to find out that depression is not the best way to loose weight and I would not recommend it to anyone.  I have been struggling with depression for the past 5 years, but have struggled more recently with the loss of my mother and some other family issues, which have intensified the feelings of depression, loneliness, despair, hurt and anger.  I have withdrawn myself from all that love me and have built up a brick wall not letting anyone in at all.  I have tried to stay close to my Father in Heaven and know that he has not forgotten me.  I felt his love by all that have tried to reach out to me.  Their kind words and thoughtfulness.  It has not gone unnoticed, or felt.  I just did not know how to accept it.  I have felt that I have needed to write this post today as a way to begin to heal.  To let the joy I know I can feel come to the surface of my emotions and let it out.  I am who I am and nobody can change me.  I make my decisions along side with the Lord and follow his wisdom and guidance as I receive the inspiration.  Though scary at times the decisions may be, I do not see the Lords path for me like he sees it for me.  I must trust in him who will never let me down.  For he has known me much longer than I think, and knows all to well what is best for me.  I know that there are pivotal points that we come to in life where trusting in him may seem impossible and will take our everything that we have and think we will ever have and give it to the Lord.  The Lord will not leave us alone he has promised this to us.   There may be things that are to hard for me to handle by myself, but there is nothing that is to hard for the Lord to handle.  We must go to him in perfect faith and trust him enough to trust in his timing.  For me this has been a struggle.  But as I have sought answers from the Lord and received the same answers with the same burning in my heart time after time, I know that the Lord has answered me and it is now up to me to trust in his answer and move forward, looking forward and continue in patience.  I love my Savior and know that he has not left me alone.  And as I begin to let others into my life again and listen to them I will feel more of my Saviors love.  For it is through others that he often works.  My Aunt the other day was talking to me and she was at a loss as to how to help me.  I am guessing that she felt everything she would say I would disregard, not wanting the help.  I do have a stubran personality.  Anyway she said something to me that made me think and realize that she did love and want the best for me.  She prayed to Father that my Mom and Aunt would be able to influence me in some way.  It was then that I realized that the 2 most influential women in my life though they were on the other side of the veil had already been a huge influence in my life the past 6 months.  I just needed to heed their counsel.  I often will have dreams and in the past few months both of these amazing ladies have come to me with what I need to do, I was just not ready to heed their counsel and advice.  Patience is the answer, though some of the words they have spoke to me have come with much more force, but in the end it is patience.  The answers from Father are the same but with patience I will be able to follow through with these hard steps ahead of me.

Today I feel like I am bursting from the cloud that has hung over my head for some time.  I saw a slight ray of sun shine today and it felt good.  I know that I need to stay close to Father and let him help me remove this cloud as to see the light that awaits.  I read in the ensign today that though Father gives us hard trials to go through he often overcompensates in the end result of the blessings that await us.  The key is that we must endure and in my case endure with patience to the end when ever that may be!

For those of you that feel you are lost and alone please know that you are never alone though hard may be the road, I promise that Christ has felt your pain and wants to help you.  In time you will know how he can help you.  I can not say that it will come all at once but it will come as it has for me. Now when it comes you will find feelings of despair creep in and loniness come to you but remember not to fear for those are feelings that Satan would have you feel.  Just be prepared for those feelings to come and have a plan of when they do come of what you will do.  Whether that is to kneel and ask for more strength, sing a song or open the scriptures.  Surround your self with friends that will uplift and support you even when you feel like not going on.  It can happen for each of us to feel peace and joy once again.  I love the Savior and again share with you my testimony that there is nothing to hard for the Lord to do.  He is all knowing and all powerful!

I love life it is good and great and wonderful!!!  Healing is also a gift I accept from my Savior!  After all he is the great healer of all our wounds, I will let him heal and close my wounds.  I make that choice!