Ok it has been a very long time.

Life seems to have it's way of filling up my time.  And I have been having a feeling that I needed to start writing my blog again.  So here I am pushed a little by a friend who had mentioned that she missed reading my blog.  That was a tender mercy of  the Lord.....I needed to hear that there are those out there that enjoyed reading about what mattered most in my life.....Any ways...

I have been feeling as though I need to really strengthen my family.  Many of you know that my life changed almost 2 years ago when my husband and I seperated and I moved to Ut with my kids.  Eventually Joseph moved back to be with his dad.  Things were really rough.  I have struggled my whole marriage with happiness and contentment.  Something that I earned for and wondered if I would ever receive that.  I felt as though I worked so hard to be that way, happy and content.  Doing all the things that would make me feel that way...reading my scriptures, praying, fasting, having family prayer and scriptures and doing family home evening with my family and serving my family, friends and serving in the church.  All of these things and to no avail I was sad.  I hated it!  I needed to leave and prayed for a long time if what I was feeling was what I was supposed to do.  I was answered so clearly I can not deny the feeling I received.  But like always in my life I was instructed to be patient by my guardian angel....I think that is her calling to tell me to be patient in all things I do.  When the time was right.  And so I waited and waited.  Anyways I am now here in UT.  A place of refuge and rebuilding and seeking personal growth.  I have in the last 18 months been so happy, even in times of sorrow and trail, I see the light and possibilities there are for me and my children!  I have like I said that I have this overpowering feeling to teach my children about the family and why it is such an important principle in our lives.  Even when our family is not all together right now.  I know it is a tough thing for my children and I want them to know what a family is like.  We do not live in a normal family lifestyle but I can try to teach them what one can be like.  On Sunday our lesson was on The Family: A Proclamation To The Family.  I am going to be doing our morning devotional on that piece of Doctrine, from a Prophet of the Lord!    Being a single mom sure has its challenges but it also is sweet to see my children grow and learn and become stronger and tougher as well.  As I study and make our devotionals for each morning I will try to update you on our progress.  The Lord only requires us to try our best he carries us through the simple and joyful moments as well as through our deepest and darkest hour, Why?  Simply because he loves us more than we can ever imagine.  We are the ones that have to reach out and hold on and trust in His way!

Michael is 6 years old today!

I can not believe that it has been 6 years!  Michael still climbs into my lap and snuggles with me!  He still likes me to read books to him, and he still likes to help me out in the kitchen!  But he is also an independent roamer... Yes he likes to think he is big enough to go to friends houses without letting me know where he is...But that is just his personality, very confident in what ever he does...he just does not understand that his  independence can also bring danger.  He is learning this and some of it has required his mommy to take deep breaths and rely on my Heavenly Father to lead and guide this special spirit!

But his independence and determination has also proved him to develop talents!  He takes piano lessons and learns lots of songs, but mostly he opens the hymn book and asks me to teach him the hymns!  I am not complaining.... I do wish he would practice more of his piano lesson songs....They will come eventually!  So for his birthday party we made him a piano cake(pictures to come)  !  He is such a loving and caring little guy!  He is so willing to serve others and give freely of what he has just to make sure that others do not go without!  He loves to serve others!  I love the example he is to me and because of this sweet strong spirit in my life I want to live better so that one day I can be his mommy forever!  I love my little 6 year old!

Happy Birthday to you Michael!!

My missing baby was found

Every night I tuck the kids into bed and we sing songs and say prayers!  Then I straighten up the house, and have a bit of relaxing time!  Before retiring to my bed I make one last round to kiss each of my kiddos one last time!  Tonight I went to each of their beds and kissed them.  I had left Sammie in my bed because that is where she crashed tonight.  When I went to move her to her own bed she was gone, and I could not find her in her bed either... this is when a mother panics ALOT...I checked the floor in my room and the floor in her room.  Then I looked in her sister's beds, and there she was all snuggled up with Allison.  I could not resist taking a picture of my littlest girl and my oldest girl sweetly slumbering!  Thanking my Father in Heaven for sending me two valiant young women, Full of love for their Savior and wanting to be obedient in all that is asked of them!  I am grateful to have all my children in my life, for the kind and loving example they are to me!  Reminding me each day to live and be more like my Savior!

Here is a peak at my two sleeping beauties!!!

Sleepless night

I was laying in my bed trying to sleep but could not...first I got mad cause I knew I needed the sleep, but then figured I could use the time to be angry or just get up and relax my mind.  So I am doing so now.
I have been missing my mom lately.  I had the opportunity to spend time with my 2 sweet younger sisters this weekend!  We got to go shopping and had lots of fun doing so!  But as they left I could not help but feel like I could not fill the void they must have for not having my mom there to take them.  This is something that my mom did with the girls.  My heart breaks for the girls and I wish I could take away the hurt.  Yet through this they have shown great faith in the powerful and humbling miracle of the resurrection.  When I have these moments I tend to get very emotional and have a hard time recovering from these.  I know that when I do this I rely on the Lord to comfort me.  I was blessed to be able to go to the temple yesterday and all through the session I had an overwhelming feeling of Gods indvidual love for me and that he knows my sorrows and loves me and wants nothing more for me to be happy.  Lately I have felt the veil so thin and it is as if at times mom is right here with me.  I can feel her but just can not see her.  I feel overwhelming peace and joy.  But I wish for just a split second I could see her just once.  That is what I was feeling tonight and I just wish I could see her.  This has been the hardest thing I have gone through and I feel at times that I need someone to talk to someone to listen and just hold me and tell me it is going to be ok and that I will make it through this.  But I feel at a loss right now... Not having anyone that can listen, like when I am up in the middle of the night...needing a shoulder to cry on...The nights for me are the worst.  But in time it will be eaiser.  And there are more better days than bad now.  But I guess I have just had an off week.  Those can and will be expected and that is just fine.

Sorry to be so emotional tonight... Just happens from time to time!

Playing a game with dolls

Sammie wanted to play a game with Maddie.  Maddie turned her down to which Sammie grabbed her 2 babies and set up the card game.  She then proceeded to tell her babies how to play.  She sat there dumb founded and frustrated cause her babies would not play.  Go figure she would think that they would really play.  Sense they would not play she put the game away and decided to do a puzzle.  I knew she would get frustrated so I pulled out my laminated visual aids that I use to teach my preschoolers songs and she is having fun singing old McDonald had a farm, and I am hearing lots of good farm animal noises!  I love love love Sundays!  And I love watching my little ones grow up.  They are so so fun!

Sammie was not happy about me taking her picture. She was made because her babies would not play. But I had to take this picture because it was just priceless!

Potty Training Sammie trying now for the 3rd time

Can it be done?  Well I say bring it on!  I have attempted 2  times with Sammie to potty train her and to no avail after about 3 days she is done, or is it me that is done.... Well she has for sure been the hardest of all my kids to train.  I have given up mostly in part to her not getting the pooping on the toilet, she would say "I don't know how to poop on the toilet mommy"  With that alone it has been hard, the staying dry was a piece of cake!  So we took a break from potty training again.  OK Sammie took a break while mom did some more studying and thinking about just how about to get Sammie motivated to even want to potty train.  I am happy to say that after much thought and prayer, yes I said prayer, I have introduced Sammie to potty training again!  And with a great motivator!   Sammie loves Polly Pockets and My Little Ponies!  I sat down with her as she was playing and asked her how she would like some new Polly's and Ponies?  She got a big grin on her face and said "Yes, can we get them right now?"  I then told her that we could get them but she would not be able to play with them until she could go pee and poop in the toilet   She told me she could not go poop in the toilet because she did not know how.  I told her it was OK, that mommy would help her learn.  She was frustrated about this but  decided to give it a try!  So I went and got the Polly's and brought then to her and let her look at them. We then made up a chart for which she would have to fill with lots of stickers( 10 days of going potty which she can do already... and only 5 times of going poop which to her seemed unfathomable. )  She excitedly started in right away, she ran to the toilet and went pee right away... then came and asked for her Polly.  I told her that she could look at them, and put a sticker on her chart and gave her a chocolate!  She then through out the day kept trying, (we went through 6 changes of clothes) and we made it and she even pooped in the toilet! She did a great job at it!  The next day we again tried it, I asked her if she wanted to wear underwear, making sure she still wanted to keep working towards her goal, she did!  Another great day with 2 poops in the toilet and lots of potty with only 6 more changes of clothes....but I showed no signs of discouragement and kept encouraging her!  Today, Sunday I pulled out a trusty pull up and asked Sammie is she wanted to wear it with her underwear, she said no, just underwear mommy.  I was a little apprehensive but I let her go ahead, trusting her that she would let me know if she needed to go.  Having 6 accidents each day sense we started this you can imagine what I was thinking.  I packed a few extra pairs of clothes and headed out the door to church, and came home with no dirty clothes!  SHE DID IT!  I was excited!  And today I have not had to ask her once if she needed to go.  And she even went poop, and according to her it was a lot of big poops.  She was so excited about doing this.  I feel like with the inspiration of going to get the toys for her so she could SEE what she was working for has helped her keep sight of her goal!  I have tried really hard to make sure that this is Sammie's accomplishment and not mine!  Sometimes I feel like it should be mine because all the other children have been so easy to train and have mastered the concept so easily but Sammie was so hard to figure out.  It is true each child is so different in so many ways.  But each of then are so amazing and have taught me so many things!  Thank you Sammie for teaching me patience  as I endured to the end on this.... I am sure there may be more accidents but I have been amazed with your efforts to do this hard thing  with such determination!  I love you Sammie!

Boxes are the best toys....

I love it that my kids have an imagination.  You give them a few boxes and they are entertained for hours!  Spencer and Michael have been playing with the boxes for an hour now!  Making a place to sleep, a place to watch a movie and a table!  Making them into a fort with blankets and oh the possibilities for them and their boxes are endless!